Do you have a group of friends where you just fit? Maybe you have several?

Confession time. I have never been one of the cool crowd. At school, I mixed with everyone, but although I had lots of friends and could flit from one group to another in the common room, there was never a really firm friendship group. If the occasion called for it, I could sit with probably anyone in my year group, or the one above, and have a natter, but I would have a hard time defining which group I fell in to – not the “popular” or the “swots”. Certainly not the “sporty” and not even the group that didn’t fit into another group! Maybe this means I am a free spirit or something equally contrite, but I have never felt truly comfortable with any definition of friendship groups.

I always had more boy friends than girl friends (perhaps the former resulted in the latter) and I usually still find boys easier to get on with – I guess I feel more at ease and not like I have to prove anything or live up to boys in the same way I do with girls (probably due to a general lack of confidence).

In my previous job, my role was in between two defined segments of the business – so I got on with both, but was neither one nor the other. Even in my online personas I have several groups of friends, and move between them for different conversations and topics. Now, as a self employed mum I sort of do, but I’m not sure I fit properly into the blogging community. Time will tell, I guess.

Is it something I am doing, or not doing, that I should be, which means I don’t quite fit?Β  Don’t get me wrong, I am quite happy with lots of different friends, but I sometimes feel a bit of a square peg in a round hole. Maybe everyone feels a bit like this.

So, do you fit?

Photo credit: ePublicist on Flickr

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11 Replies to “Do you fit?”

  1. Nice insight into something quite personal there – I think that you’re lucky to be able to adapt to different situations and friends. I too have a wide variety of people I mix with & I think it shows you’re comfortable with lots of characters πŸ™‚

    I always have to remember that I don’t need to be anything other than who I am to get on with people – I’m always adapting myself to fit in when really I don’t need to! We all should be happy and confident with who we are – then the fun times really start πŸ™‚

  2. A fascinating insight there Claire and one that I truly identify with.
    I don’t have one special partner to accompany me through life. I therefore believe life should be a colourful carnival of personalities. Each person bringing something unique and wonderful to my life. Every friendship is a gift and is treasured in it’s own right.

    So whilst I don’t have that extra special bond with one extra special person, instead I have many bonds and unlimited colours to brighten life.

    Not conventional maybe, but I think this variety and vast support network is an essential tool for survival in our generation.

  3. Wow. That’s a little like reading my own thoughts there – I can totally relate; no distinct ‘set’ at school and subsequently flitting from group to group with no real feeling of belonging exclusively to one. I like having a broad circle though, a little like having specific people in my life for specific things – my old work pals for sense-checking at reminiscing about Soho living, or the gay best mates for emergency wine/fashion advice/karaoke… Probably the only time I felt I’d met a genuine group of like-minded people was my NCT group with my first baby. Those girls have become a real force in my life.. Five years on, we no longer even talk about the babies but we all seem to appreciate the need for adult ‘support’ and friendship a lot more than with other groups I guess. Not sure that makes sense but I know what I mean! We’ve all had various crises over the years and although we don’t live in each other’s pockets, we all know we’re all there. It’s nice, but unobtrusive. And I think maybe that’s why I like being a bit of a drifter in terms of friendship groups – I like my own space and hate feeling as though I’m spreading myself too thinly. I’m there for my friends if needed but I’m not worried if we go a few weeks without a chat. I tend to feel the best friends are the ones you feel comfortable with, even if you only actually see them a couple of times per year.

  4. I have never felt like I fitted in anywhere. Not at home, not at school and not at work. I’m lucky in a sense that I learned this from a young age and got used to it fairly quickly. I knew I wasn’t like the other children at playschool and I suffered from ‘middle child syndrome’ at home and as time went on I knew this wouldn’t change change. When I was in school I was bullied because I wasn’t like the other boys and not only by other students but by teachers to. One of which gave me the nick name of Bendy toy that has followed me ever since. The few friends I made in secondary school all left the county as soon as possible leave me with just one friend to move onto University with and again the few friends I made there moved on just the same. As time went on I grew and learned who I was which only led to me being a constant disappointment to those around me. I was never going to get married or continue the family name which brought a lot of shame to my family. Finally when I left full time education I thought this was it this was the time that I could be myself and be respected for who I was. Alas this wasn’t the case. I have worked for the same place since I was 20 and it takes all I have to crawl into work on a daily basis. I don’t really care that I am disliked lord knows I hate myself enough to understand where they are coming from. The same way you could flit from one group to another I had to flit around with no where to land.
    I’m sorry this is your blog I should be making it all about me. It’s a great first post and it’s good to see you revealing something personal about yourself. Sorry again.

  5. Oh thank you all so much for the comments!

    Rebecca, you are right (though I think I still need to work on the confidence thing a little).

    Amanda, you are lovely how you are.

    Michelle, I love your outlook – and you are so right…. each friend is a gift and should be treasured as such!

    Lesley, I missed out on NCT – had children a few years ahead of the rest of our friends, and didn’t do NCT, so had no-one to share the sleepless nights stories with. But we’ve moved around since then anyway, so wouldn’t be geographically close any more (not to say we wouldn’t be emotionally close – most of my closest friends are scattered across the country).

    Sam, love you x πŸ™‚

    CJ, Please never feel you have to apologise for who you are with me. It must have been very hard for you growing up, and it sounds like it still is. I hope you will one day be happy with yourself x

  6. I think just be who you are. If that means a ‘jack of all trades’ when it comes to mixing with people then great! How lovely to be able to be put into any situation with any kind of people and to be able to deal with it. Many would trade places, enjoy it. I do!

  7. Can relate to this in many ways. I’ve always had lots of friends but not that many close relationships. The ones I do have though are worth their weight in platinum πŸ™‚

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